Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
