I CAN MOONWALK!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
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between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
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The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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