Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
