I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
