I feel like I'm in dance class right now
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
