I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
