I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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