Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
