I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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