so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
