my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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