So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
