A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My nipple is on Facebook.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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