Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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