I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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