Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
