What a fucking waste of an outfit
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
