what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
