I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
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Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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