Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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