Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
