Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
