i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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