I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
