my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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