I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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