I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
