you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
