she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
