In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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