My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
