Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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