He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
