So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
