Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
