I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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