ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
