i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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