if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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