so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
