My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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