dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
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