You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
