btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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