i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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