So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
