That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
