I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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