During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
