Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
