i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
