I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
