who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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