you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she smelled like a LAN party
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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